Recently, Paris Hilton was quoted as saying that Kim Kardashian (one of her former BFF’s) has a butt that looks like a trash bag full of cottage cheese. But all big-bottomed girls know that beanpole Paris is probably just jealous. So to Kim Kardashian and all of the ample-assed girls out there, here’s a list of songs that pay tribute to your bodacious backsides.
Rumpshaker
This song by Wreckx-N-Effect is a classic. There’s no question about what this song is about: getting a girl to “shake ya rump”. (They do go a little more into detail on what they’d like to do to the girl shaking her rump, though.) The funniest line has to be “All I wanna do is zooma-zoom-zoom-zoom in the boom-boom.” It sounds funny, but if you think about it, you can probably figure out what it means.
(Shake, Shake, Shake) Shake your Booty
KC and the Sunshine Band topped the charts with this disco hit, and it is one of the most famous songs from that era. It still gets plenty of play at weddings and parties, and it still gets people out on the dance floor shaking their booties (even if their view from behind isn’t so nice anymore.) There are very few lyrics to this song. It’s mostly about the music and reminding everyone to shake their booties over and over and over again.
Bootylicious
Why should a girl wait for a guy to write a tribute to her backside? Beyonce Knowles wrote this pop hit back in the day when she was still a member of Destiny’s Child. It’s all about a girl out on the dance floor telling a guy she’s too good for him, because her body’s just too bootylicious. The funniest line has to be “I don’t think your ready for this jelly.” It’s always kind of freaked me out for some reason.
My Humps
Here’s another female’s tribute to her own rear end. This hit by the Black-Eyed Peas is all about Fergie’s “lovely lady lumps”. It’s often criticized and made fun of, because the lyrics are just too ridiculous. It hasn’t stopped the song from being a hit, however. There are just too many funny lyrics in this song to pick one. But here’s one of them, anyways: “I mix your milk wit my cocoa puff.”
The Thong Song
This song by Sisqo got all the ladies shaking their booties out on the dance floor and showing off their thongs from the tops of their low-rise jeans. It was heavily played when it first came out, and has since been voted one of the most annoying songs ever by Rolling Stone readers. Sisqo sounds so serious and passionate in the song, even though it’s more than a little silly. The funniest line has to be “she had dumps like a truck, truck, truck.” Somehow that just doesn’t quite sound right.
Back That Azz Up
This hit by Juvenile is another song that was popular at clubs, and no man was complaining. It’s all about getting the girls to “back that azz up” (right into them). It’s a pretty explicit song, and the edited version was titled “Back that Thing Up” (for the kids). It has some pretty funny lines, so it’s hard to chose one, especially with them being so explicit. I guess I’ll go with “big thick plumber chick, and a Hummer chick.”
I See You Baby (Shakin’ that Ass)
This song by Groove Armada is about keeping the party interesting by keeping the girls shakin’ their asses. The funniest line has to be Gram’ma Funk saying, “If ya’ll all love Gram’ma Funky, ya’ll, you’re my gran’babies.”
Honky Tonk Badonkadonk
Trace Adkins performs the only country song about butts I’ve ever heard. The term “badunkadunk” was coined by Missy Elliot, and has since also been pronounced “badonkadonk. Country music stars should probably stick to using country terms, but just hearing the term “badonkadonk” from the mouth of a country boy is pretty funny. The line “Got it goin’ on like Donkey Kong” has to be one of the worst attempts at rhyming in a song I’ve ever heard.
One of the best rock groups of all time, Queen, penned this song about getting’ it on with fat-bottomed girls, stating that they “make the rockin’ world go round.” It’s hard not to sing along with it, and if you are a fat bottomed girl, it’ll make you appreciate your posterior. The best line is “left alone with big fat Fanny, she was such a naughty nanny”, implying that the obsession with fat bottomed girls began at a very young age.
Sir Mix-a-Lot is the king of the big butt songs, and is the first rapper to just come out and say “I like big butts, and I cannot lie. This is one of the most well-known rap songs ever. It was released in 1992, but all throughout the nineties I can remember girls quoting the line from the beginning of the song, “Oh my God, Becky, look at her butt! It is so big” in their best valley girl voices. The video and song were originally banned by MTV because of the lyrics, but now they are some of the most popular of all time. I guess the best line has to be the one everyone sings along with: “my anaconda don’t want none unless you’ve got buns, hun.”
So the next time you’re feeling bad about having a fat ass, just listen to one of these tunes and take comfort in knowing that all men are secretly ass men, and girls like Paris are just jealous of those who’ve got some junk in their trunk!
