Lately the news has been littered with cases of internet stalkers who hunt down, assault and even kill their victims. According to the National Institute of Justice annually 1.4 million American are victims of stalking. As a journalist and tech guru, I am often called upon to research and investigate internet related stories. Though becoming a victim of internet stalking wasn’t high on my list of to do’s, it happened anyway. Having been a victim of stalking and having interviewed experts in the field via the Technically Speaking Radio program, I can say with certainty that most victims of stalkers never report their cases to the authorities. Moreover, there are factors that help contribute to a stalker’s obsession; and, there are ways that everyone can participate in helping to ensure that the internet is safe for all. Using my experience as a journalist and as a victim of stalking, I detail in this article signs you can look for; and, how you can stop internet stalkers.
Understand What Stalking is
Stalking is defined as repeated and persistent unwanted communications and/or approaches that produce fear in the victim.
I lead a very hectic life. With a radio show, three businesses and a number of community service projects on my plate. It is very necessary for me to prioritize who I do and do not communicate with. Additionally, I also have pretty good intuition. So whether I am online or offline, I don’t communicate with people who show signs of being two pills short of a full prescription or are simply outright losers. It never made sense to me to interact with people whom I have nothing in common with, so typically I just ignore them. And, though most sane people understand this practice, I would later find out that being ignored infuriates the stalker.
Understand the Stalker Subtypes
According to the Psychiatric Times, they described five stalker subtypes:
- The Rejected respond to an unwelcome end to a close relationship by actions intended to lead to reconciliation, an extraction of reparation from the victim or both. For the stalker, the behavior maintains some semblance of continued contact and relationship with the victim.
- The Intimacy Seekers pursue someone they have little, if any, relationship with in the mistaken belief that they are loved, or inevitably will be loved, by the victim. The stalking satisfies needs for contact and closeness while feeding fantasies of an eventual loving relationship.
- The Incompetent are would-be suitors seeking a partner. Given their ignorance or indifference to the usual courting rituals, they use methods that are, at best, counterproductive and, at worst, terrifying. The stalking provides an approximation of finding a partner.
- The Resentful respond to a perceived insult or injury by actions aimed not just at revenge but at vindication. The stalking is the act of vengeance.
- The Predatory pursue their desires for sexual gratification and control. The stalking is a rehearsal for the stalker’s violent sexual fantasies and a partial satisfaction of voyeuristic and sadistic desires.
Unfortunately for me, the person who attempted to stalk me exhibited symptoms of all of the subtypes.
Know Your Environment
Even outside of the virtual world, knowing your environment is rule number one. On the internet, it is even more important.
During my September 10, 2006 Technically Speaking Radio interview of “Grouchy” Greg Watkins the CEO/Founder of AllHipHop.com the most popular message board on the net, Greg said, “Internet safety is very important. You never know who is on the other side of the computer. It is important to take precautions.”
To really bring home how important this is, I’ll give you details of my experience as a victim of stalking.
I used to frequent a music message board. And, as an avid poster, I often posted job openings in my area, community service information and opinions. I unwittingly became known as a “popular poster” because of my candid posting style. Unfortunately, as in real life being “popular” sometimes attracts the wrong type of attention from the worse type of people. I began noticing that a couple of people would follow me into posts, and reply maliciously to posts which I had created. As I mentioned earlier, I typically avoid people whom I have nothing in common with, but these posters sought me out. And, my ignoring them, angered them even more. Generally, it is a good practice to report these types of abusive posters to the message board moderators and admins. However, in this instance, one of the perpetrators was a moderator himself. And, I would later find out that he was delusional and had convinced the site admins that he and I had been dating. Mind you, he and I had never event met. Moreover, I never replied to his posts. It wasn’t that I disliked him. I didn’t know him enough to dislike him. I simply didn’t care about him, so I was more apathetic than anything. So, as is my nature, I completely avoided him. Little did I know that my ignoring him would flame his feeling of rejection and his illness.
Subsequently, the stalker some how developed a more threatening infatuation. Because he was a moderator on the message board, the site admins gave him full access to my IP address and my private inboxes. With that information he found out my physical address, businesses and family members phone numbers and proceeded to call and harass them also.
I mention this experience in the “Know your Environment Section” because it is important to know the culture of your site. That is, the site that I posted on had very little responsible monitoring, and the site admins actually condone and support stalking.
The admins on the board support ridiculing posters and think that it should be celebrated. For example, one poster took my head from the picture in my avatar and transposed on someone else body. Then took the picture of another poster whom I have never met and placed it between the legs of the body to indicate that the poster was performing a sexual act on my image and posted it here.
When I demanded that the admin remove the distortion of my picture from the post, he implied that I wanted it removed because the poster and I had some sort of sexual history together. While a person may have had latent stalker subtype tendencies, this type of apathy regarding inappropriateness breeds environments where posters begin to think that it is acceptable to stalk others. You can almost see how the mod who stalked me got the impression that it was okay to do so.
Therefore, the moderator continued to stalk me. He even stalked me on another message board on a completely different website. I, of course, continued to tell him to stop, and eventually he posted a message saying that he would “punch me in the face”. Now, normally, I would ignore such flights of fancy, but within that message he also posted his work address and office number and indicated that I should come to his job so that he could assault me. Since most people who do not truly intend to do you bodily harm do not go to such extremes, I knew that it was something that I should be concerned about. Although I am not a licensed psychiatrist I could tell that this person’s threats were getting much worse and would eventually indeed carry out his threat.
Since the work address that he posted indicated that he worked for a state funded school, it was obvious that there was much more at stake here than just a message board admins’ irresponsibility. The school could lose it’s funding because of its employee and I could get hurt. Fortunately, I was able to contact his manager to ensure the moderator got the psychiatric help he needed, the school would not lose its funding and that I would be safe.
During my radio interview with a member of the FBI, Cyber Investigations Unit, the point was made that most people are not fully aware of how dangerous stalkers can be. So, one of the most important precautions to take is to avoid unmonitored internet environments.
Protecting Yourself from an Internet Stalker
The internet can be a great place to meet new and interesting people, voice your opinions, do research for work or school and even to make money.
During my Technically Speaking Radio program interview with Michelle M. Garcia, Senior Program Associate for the Stalking Resource Center at the National Center for Victims of Crime, she said, “It is important to increase public awareness about stalking. Many people do not know that they can get a restraining order and contact an attorney.”
In doing research in internet safety, I find that most people do not realize that they don’t “deserve to be stalked”. That is, most people have a misconception and think that if a person has a website, is a celebrity or a public official then they are just asking to be a stalker’s victim.
The bottom line is that we need to keep ourselves safe and understand our rights as internet users. No one has the right to stalk you or threaten you.
Know Your Rights
Perhaps the saddest thing about most Americans is that we don’t always know the law. Many people think that there is nothing that they can do to stop a stalker. Even more people think “people on the internet can do/say what ever they want to you”.
But, stalking is a form of harassment and is against the law. In my case, one of my mentors is an attorney and very protective. When I discussed my case with him, he and his peers wanted to handle the stalker the “old fashion way” first and file court papers second. But, not everyone is lucky enough to have a circle of friends who are there to protect and guide them. So, it important to know that the law is available to protect you from a stalker. If you even suspect that someone is stalking you, don’t wait until it escalates.
Take your evidence to your District Attorney’s office right away and file a restraining order. Here is a link to additional information regarding restraining orders:And finally according to the Psychiatric Times, “Stalking is often associated with other forms of harassment, such as ordering goods on the victim’s behalf, sending unsolicited materials and initiating spurious legal actions (Mullen et al., 1999). Stalking intrudes on the victim’s privacy and evokes a fear of violence. Such fears are justified, as threats, property damage and assault occur all too frequently in association with stalking.”
Remember, you have the right to surf the internet free from stalkers.
