Girls think I’m a cheap date. That’s not true at all — I always take them out to eat at a French restaurant —Jacque in the Box! You’ve got to understand, I love Jack in the Box, and Jack in the Box loves me right back. Here’s why:
Let’s talk burgers. The Jumbo Jack is the mother of all burgers. It is the clear winner of the 99 cent burger wars, the hands down champion over the competition — the McDonalds Big Xtra Burger (a real gut bomb, and nowadays much more than 99 cents), and the Burger King Rodeo Burger (actually quite tasty, but a bit on the small side.) Ah, the Jumbo Jack — the world’s largest 99 cent burger (now $1.29, now that the 99 cent burger wars are over) — a throbbing, pulsating, gyrating mass of lovely cow-flesh, broiled to perfection, its sheen a shiny, shimmering layer of hot, delectable grease, smeared with melted honey of mayonnaise — tangy, saucy mayonnaise – a dab of ketchup, plus the highly nutritious, delicious, crisp green lettuce, lovely slices of sour dill pickle, and a heavenly slice of sweet virgin tomato –oh mamma, all this between two massive vitamin-enriched buns! All this for one dollar and twenty-nine cents! This burger is so huge, so beefy, so filling, I go to Jack’s in the morning and have a Jumbo Jack for breakfast, and I don’t have to eat again for the rest of the day!
Let’s talk tacos. Two tacos for 99 cents, that is. Jack in the Box tacos are a dream come true– crispy, deep fried in real American grease, with spicy red sauce, chewy chopped burger meat, with a smidgen of grated cheddar cheese, crisp lettuce and diced tomatoes to complete the vision of glory. I always buy four tacos at a time, and that treats me right for the rest of the day, thank you.
And how about those onion rings? Large, golden, round orifices of sweet onion meat, the batter thick and rich, deep fried in just the right amount of hot, molten grease. Ah, heaven — I never met a ring I didn’t like at Jack’s.
And milk shakes? Let me just say this: Jack in the Box is the only fast food restaurant in existence that serves your shake complete with whipped cream and a cherry on top, a shake so thick you have to wait a good twenty minutes for it to melt a bit so you can drink the gosh dang beautiful thing, a smorgasborg in itself, a sensual delight that will titilate and pleasure the eyes as well as the tongue,
I don’t mess around with the rest of the menu (which is plentiful)– I don’t need to. You see, once you’ve learned to love the Jumbo Jack and tacos, you will never know hunger again…
