When I was a kid I used spray deodorant. I did this because this is what my father did. I also wore tighty whiteys for this same reason. Times were hard back then, you did what you could. But now, my tune has changed. To be honest, it’s changed a whole heck of a lot-I’m kind of like Beck in that respect. But really, when I glance back at my life as a kid I am sometimes amazed that I didn’t turn out worse. I was spraying toxic fumes under my arms and squeezing the bloody life out my testicles on a daily basis. Those were weird days.
Now that I’ve been using roll-on deodorant for the better part of a dozen years, though, I have started to second-guess myself, and I’m going to tell you why. I don’t know why this happened, but I started getting allergic reactions to my roll-on deodorant (basically, my pits stung like hell when I put on). I guess there’s that odd chance that I was the only one in the world who was afflicted with this ailment, but I doubt it. I began to wonder just how many males in America were affected by this deodorant debacle.
I couldn’t go back to spray deodorant, the horrible memories were still fresh in mind. When I was a boy, I would sometimes miss my armpits and spray myself in the face, temporarily blinding myself for hours at a time. Plus, there was that whole greenhouse effect thing; that weighed on my conscious to no end (though I think that’s since been fixed). On top of all those factors, there was just the gross, sticky wet feeling that accompanies spray deodorant. Why would I want to use a product that makes a part of my body feel like a poisonous salamander every single day?
So you see, I was at a crossroads. For a long time I went sans deodorant. And believe it or not, it took almost a month for anyone to notice. (The whole thing blew up in one ridiculous fight with the girlfriend, which is an article in and of itself.) I actually had convinced myself that my natural scent had a certain quality to it. I was lost; I don’t deny this.
With nowhere else to turn, I went back to roll-on deodorants. My brand of choice: Old Spice High Endurance. I like the smell, I like the neat blue color and I like how said color contrasts with the red plastic of the, umm, holder? (Is there a name for the thing that actually holds the deodorant?) Everything was fine for a while until the sting returned. Now I’m really fucked. What do I do? Do I go back to the bad memories of spray deodorant or do I stick it out with the daily pain of roll-on? Any suggestions?
