Scope:
With the advent of the Internet the prevalence of pornography and its subsequent maladies has escalated into proportions yet to be fully charted by our society. It only takes one accidental viewing via pop-up ad or a misrepresented website (website in disguise) by a young boy to start the down road spiral toward full-blown porn addiction.
The ease of accessibility to porn as well as the availability of free porn on the Internet has left millions of men (and a growing number of women) left in a wake of struggle that is growing exponentially. According to the website 5checkpoints.com in its article “5 Checkpoints to Overcome Pornography Addiction, the phrase “free porn” is being typed into the Google search bar by over 2 million people (2,235,000) on a daily basis. This is disheartening when compared with the searched out phrase “marriage advice” (2,334 daily searches).
Porn addiction has not left the churched culture unscathed as well. As many as two-thirds of all Christian men and one-third of all Christian women struggle with Internet pornography (Laaser, 2009). Until the responses of shame and shock are demolished there will be no real help available to those struggling in secret.
In addition to shame being a paramount contributor toward the maintaining of this vice’s powerful hold over its prey, there are five lies or myths that equally prevent an addict from breaking fully free. Here they are:
#1) If only my wife had given me more sex.
Many men falsely presume that the real cause of their porn addiction is having a wife with little libido. While it is true that certain deprivations in life make one more vulnerable to temptations, the choice to cross a boundary lies ultimately with the individual person. Dr. Mark Laaser (a former sex addict) and his wife Deb, in their work with sex addicts, assure men of these three facts: 1) Your spouse didn’t cause it, 2) Your spouse can’t control it, and 3) Your spouse can’t cure it (Laaser, 2009).
If one were truly looking for a genesis of causation for sexual addiction or porn addiction, they would find that research indicates a stronger correlation lies with past woundedness. In other words, usually a sex problem has long developed before any marriage vow was even stated. Therefore, if any cure is sought after by a porn addict he must start with healing of past hurts or wounds as the first step to recovery.
A person struggling with a sexual addiction can never get enough sex-not from his wife, not from porn, not even from every prostitute in New York City. It is a problem that he has, not his wife.
#2) Pornography will help spice up my marriage.
Many men hold out for the fantasy notion or justification that pornography has or could help spice up the bedroom. They might rationalize that it is through pornography that they picked up some new sexual positions or that if they could only introduce their wife to it that they could indoctrinate her into trying some more euphoric maneuvers. The problem with these dangerous false beliefs is that it places too much emphasis on sex as being the secret ingredient to intimacy in a relationship. The truth is that pornography is never about intimacy; in fact, it is the mere expression of intimacy disorder. Pornography is rarely acted out by married couples, but instead, is being played out by adulterers. Therefore, a viewer is automatically allowing himself to be influenced by dysfunctional people. In addition, men are stimulated visually which means porn creates a lustful desire for other women besides one’s wife.
Another new rave that pornography is spawning off into couples’ bedrooms is the idea that a threesome will spice up their marriage. I know of two people that I have counseled personally that this “experiment” proved inevitably disastrous not only to their marriage, but to their own personal state of mental well-being.
In 1999 a movie entitled “The Sex Monster” (rated R), starring Mariel Hemingway, endorsed itself as a comedy with a plot about a building contractor’s wish to spice up his marriage with a sexual three-way with another woman. His plan backfires when his wife turns into a crazed bisexual that wants other women all the time. The sad commentary here is that we’ve turned a terrible vice into not only a laughable situation, but one that is a viable alternative to try (even though the film conveys that it didn’t work).
#3) I can quit porn at any time cold turkey
Its an addiction dude. If a person has been struggling for any length of time with pornography they fail to realize that the chemical tolerance of the brain to the images acts much in the same manner as a chemical addiction to cocaine. Images from brain scans of sexual addicts show a remarkable resemblance to that of those that are chemically dependent. The brain becomes neuro-chemically tolerant to the chemicals that are released at elevated levels as a result of watching porn (i.e. adrenaline, dopamine, serotonin).
One will have to seek out a treatment program of some type or counselor. Candeocan.com, curepornaddiction.wordpress.com are a couple of good starts.
#4) It doesn’t hurt anybody, especially myself.
Do you ever struggle with negative feelings of guilt, shame, condemnation, feelings of perversity, unworthiness, fear, spouse expressing disgust, or hundreds of other negative feelings or possible consequences that result. Porn has proven to be progressive in nature, objectifying, degrading, degenerative, and in extreme cases has contributed towards some to prey on children and even to commit sex crimes.
#5) I can never be helped.
If it weren’t for the grace of God you may be correct. However, God has enabled within nature and by His power, incredible healing agents that make help and recovery possible. There is no addiction to great for anyone not to be pulled from. There are great programs such as Celebrate Recovery, counselors specializing in this area (Dr. Mark Laaser-Faithful and True Ministries), books (Out of the Shadows-Dr. Patrick Carnes), organizations (American Association of Christian Counselors, Focus on the Family, and other many helpful sites on the Internet.
Help must include a support group, accountability, and counseling. There are many great testimonies of men and women that have been set free, including the famous Grammy-award winning gospel singer Kirk Franklin.
SOURCES:
5checkpoints.com
“Addiction & Recovery” (speaker Dr. Mark Laaser). Sexual Addiction. Lesson 301. DVD. www.lightuniversity.com . 2009
