“Predator” (1987) (R)
“Predator 2” (1990) (R)
“Predators” (2010) (R)
So, every so often I get a request to do a movie review for a particular movie or a particular set of movies. While sometimes it takes me years to start, it will eventually get done (I take user requests very seriously). Reviewing the six “Star Wars” movies is on the list, prompted by what I did with the “Star Trek” movies. It has been quite difficult to get to that one. I wanted to believe so badly that I was mistaken about Episode I that I dragged Slater along to see it (second time for me) back when it was still in theaters. It was bad. It was so bad that I have not watched that one in many, many years. I toy with the idea of reviewing that movie without seeing it again, but it is against my ethical standards of movie reviewing. I have also received a request to review “Vincent”, a bizarre creation of Slater, of course Vince, and I. That one I truly do enjoy, and it has been cosmic interference getting in the way of my reviewing that one. With this in mind, I give you the reviews of the three “Predator” movies, which I consider (now, but probably never again after this review) a cross between the “Star Wars” movies and “Vincent” (Note: In fairness to the “Alien” series and the “Predator” series, I am not including the “Alien V. Predator” movies in either collections’ reviews. Instead they will be considered a separate entity.)
All three movies play on one simple idea: “There is another alien race, and they really like to hunt.” While superior to humans physically and technologically, the disparity between them is not hopeless, and they come with some disadvantages of their own.
Predator: It’s Human season.
Arnold: IT’s DAWK SEEEZon.
Predator: Human season.
Arnold: DAWK SEEEzon.
Predator: Duck Season.
Arnold: HUMawn SEEEZon.
Predator: Duck Season.
Arnold: I SAY it’s HUMawn SEEZon and I say FIHere!
Arnold: YOU ARWE DISp…Dispeci….DISPeca…YOU ARWE DUMB!
Other than the dialogue, that was exactly like the movies. But seriously, with this simple idea, they’ve made several entertaining films and could easily make several hundred more.
That being said, the best of the three is still the first one. Even after seeing it numerous times, the movie still entertains at a high level. The plot of the first one is genius. It sends an elite commando group into the jungle on a top secret mission. After they complete their mission, they start to be attacked. See…GENIUS! Setup-wise, just what we would want: A group of Earth’s best v. this unknown creature. The only things left are to keep the action entertaining, the fear and danger at high levels, and follow through with a clever ending. The action was extremely pleasing. Plentiful volleys of gunfire and laser. Hand-to-hand combat, traps being set, and a nice display of the Predator’s technology, most notably, his camouflage armor which makes him, essentially, invisible, his automatic laser targeting shoulder attachment, and his thermal vision. The ending is what makes the movie though. An epic battle on top of a smattering of tomfoolery. The effects withstand the test of time, with the “invisible predator”, perhaps, being the most impressive. Even the score was catchy. Yes, they did everything right on this one.
Part two moves from the jungle to LA of “the future” (always risky…and will always lead to a dated film when you reach “the future”). AWHnold is gone, but no worries…we get…Danny Glover? Don’t get me wrong, I like the guy, but I don’t and didn’t think of him as an action star (even with his “intense” action sequences from the “Lethal Weapon” movies). I always thought of him as…well…plodding. That being said, it is another one of those times where I was too quick to judge the casting (offhand, also happened to me in Star Trek III with Christopher Lloyd as the main Klingon bad guy), as, remarkably, Glover pulls it off. He is actually quite a tall guy, and with the demeanor he had in this movie, can be quite intimidating (though sometimes unintentionally comical). Ah…acting. Speaking of acting, we get Bill Paxton in this movie. He was also in the movie “Aliens.” He essentially plays the same character, and while his terrible acting could turn some people off, I find it absolutely hilarious. His career is boggling. He did quite well in movies like “Twister” and “Frailty”, but how did he ever get the chance? He was just awful in these two movies. Heck, after the first of the two movies, how did he land the other one? Stunning. And how did the director not make him redo…well…every scene he was in? That being said, I am amused by him in these movies and think he has improved greatly in his more recent fare. Why is this movie not as good as the first? Aside from having a lot to live up to with a minimal plot (see one sentence plot structure above), it also just seemed to copy a few too many parts/ideas from the first one. Always tricky in sequels. How do you keep something fresh while still staying in the same scheme of the original (Bond is the most interesting case study on such a phenomena…ahhhh…Bond…)? How do you do that with a minimal plot (see sentence above talking about the one sentence plot structure further above)? Still, for all of the cool parts, there still seemed to be too many silly parts. A shame really. This movie could have been quite good if they had edited a few things or rethought a few others. Simple things, like the opening action sequence where if it were real life, Danny Glover would have died. All they had to do was add a little bit more cleverness to some of the action sequences and I think they had a movie that rivaled the first. Ah well. Still an awesome watch.
And finally, “Predators.” “Predators,” “Predators,” “Predators.” What can we say about “Predators”? I like it better the second time, which bumped it up to the “watch on occasion/Powdered donut” (or 3.5 quantity worth of donuts) range. So…I’m not sure when this started exactly. I feel like it might have been “The Dark Knight.” The annoying hyper-intense voice that action stars seem to use these days. You know, an octave or two (that’s for you Mike) lower than their regular voice, mixed with a throaty gravelly sound. Sadly, movie makers completely missed the point on what “The Dark Knight” was doing. They saw the main star of an action film with a cool sounding voice that should be repeated everywhere. What they missed was that the voice is ridiculous. It works in “The Dark Knight” and possibly other superhero movies because it is an added instrument for the hero to mask their true identity beyond their physical being. When it is used in other movies, the audience can’t help but to be like, “Dude…what are you doing? You sound like an idiot.” So, strike one is that Adrian Brody sounded like an idiot in this movie (and unlike Danny Glover, it never came to pass the notion that he should ever be an action star). But certainly I’ve forgiven movies for far more heinous violations to my senses? I certainly have. So, they would have to dig a little deeper to try to ruin this movie. And they did. Much of the action was nothing special. The whole movie was a walk through a forest world (trying to capitalize on the first Predator), but there was no secondary story like a military mission to logically break the monotony. The monumental events never felt that way and the global human v. predator battle never materializes (it is just three Predators hunting the humans (similar to the idea in “Alien V. Predator”). They succeeded in making some interesting characters, the ending was done extremely well with intense action and an injection of suspense, and there was a fun little cameo in the middle that, in a way, reminded me of “Pandorum” (If you see that movie, you’d probably notice too. If not, let me know and I’ll explain). A shame really, because much of the movie (special effects, location) were handled with such care that a little more effort could have turned this into a great movie. These are the movies that hurt. The ones you know could have been awesome, but instead were ok. Ah well. Maybe in…well…I don’t know what they would call the next one. “Predators 2”? “Predator 4”? “Look Momma Predator, I’m Invisible”?
On one final side note, I do really like that these are sci-fi/action/horror movies. They fit almost any marathon.
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