As a preschool teacher, I have experienced a multitude of different personality types in the children who are in my class. Children are egocentric by nature, and part of both teaching and parenting a child is helping them to identify other people’s emotions, in other words help them to develop empathy. Empathy helps children to create healthy relationships with their peers, and instills a life-long sense of right and wrong.
Children who fail to develop empathy for others in childhood can develop conduct disorders, behavioral issues and often times get into legal trouble. While every parent and teacher has a different style, there are some amazingly simple techniques to help your child develop into an empathetic person.
First and foremost, helping your child identify the emotions they encounter on a daily basis will teach the skills needed for identifying emotions. Children experience strong emotions that they can not always identify. For example, a very tired child will often times begin to tantrum and cry. This is due to fatigue, yet they do not identify the emotional connection between the reason they are so upset and the fact that they are tired. Simply labeling the emotion will help your child to learn what tired feels like to them and help them to understand how other people are feeling when they say they are tired. When in the midst of the emotion, try identifying it as follows, “I can see you are feeling tired. You are crying and very upset.” While the child may deny the emotion at first, after repeated exposure to the labeling of the emotion, they will begin to identify their feelings independently.
Another way to encourage empathy in your child is to label other people’s emotions whenever possible. For example, if your child is playing with another child and the other child gets upset and begins to cry you can say, “Bobby seems mad. When you knocked his tower down, he began to cry.” Continuing this communication with your child will create a bridge from the other child’s emotions to his or her own. By saying, “How do you feel when someone breaks something you have made?” and allowing the child to express his or her own feelings, you are teaching empathy for others.
Ensuring that your child receives ample opportunities for social experiences with peers also helps create empathy for others. Frequently, I see children who enter into preschool having had no prior social experiences. Think of how an adult would respond to never having social interaction with other people outside of family members. Adults who do not have social experiences often times do not know how to act in normal social situations and may even begin to avoid such experiences when possible. The same applies to children as well. If a child spends the first 3-4 years of life developing without social experiences, they will feel uncomfortable, awkward and unsure of how to interact with their peers. This is only one reason why preschool has become such an important step in child development.
Supervising the way your child interacts with peers is another key step in helping your child to develop a healthy level of empathy for others. Many parents use play dates with other children as a way to keep the child occupied and they do not play an active role in the way the children interact with each other. Anytime your child is interacting with peers, it is crucial to observe the way your child interacts as well as responds to others. When parents and teachers are aware of children’s interactions, they are available when needed to guide the situation into a positive learning experience. In situations where the adult is unaware of the way in which the children are interacting, learning opportunities are missed and negative coping skills can be created. A child who does not know how to interact appropriately with others may go undetected until they enter school, meaning the child has had years to solidify unhealthy patterns of interaction.
For a child who does not interact with others, it is even more important for caregivers to be aware and help guide the child into positive play experiences with peers. Sometimes, a child just needs some assistance to start interacting and will then follow through independently. Other children continue to need guidance throughout the play experience or they will begin to socially isolate.
Always remember that your child is looking towards you for cues on how to act in differing situations. This means that parents and teachers should be consistently modeling empathetic behaviors. Next time a car cuts you off, think twice before reacting. When you have an opportunity to be kind to others, be sure to do so in a way that reflects empathy to your child. Becoming involved in group activities as a family is a great starting point. Joining a church, scout group or volunteering your time as a family can help your child to understand that kindness towards others is important. Recognizing your own feelings and emotions that come up within your family can be a wonderful time to continue teaching your child to be empathetic.
Helping your child to recognize his or her own emotions, as well as the emotions of others will help create empathy. Some signs of healthy empathy in a child include helping others to feel better, asking about the way others are feeling, avoiding intentionally hurting other people’s feelings, feelings of remorse when a mistake is made, and kindness. When a child demonstrates these qualities, you can be assured that they are beginning to grasp the concept of empathy.
When a child does not develop empathy for others it can become a very serious problem. They do not regard other people’s feelings or how their actions may affect the people around them. They begin to disregard authority, because they have no concept rules. They can become physically violent or mean to their peers and in most cases will not develop understanding of their emotions or the emotions of others as they get older. These children will face life-long struggles, as they will not understand or recognize how people around them feel or how their actions affect others.
By just utilizing these few easy steps, parents and teachers can help create a positive learning environment for children. It may take a few extra moments of time and attention, but in the long run you will be saving years of pain and heartache for you and your child. Recognizing and identifying emotions, guiding positive interactions and modeling kindness are fail proof ways to develop healthy empathy in your child.
